


A Prince's Hart

by Lilfella



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Ableism, Ableist Language, Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Human, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Asexual Anxiety | Virgil Sanders, Autistic Morality | Patton Sanders, Bullying, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, First Dates, First Kiss, First Meetings, First Time, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, I let Patton say "fuck", Implied Sexual Content, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, M/M, Making Out, Neurotypical Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders, Roman is a good man, Stimming, Swearing, Threats of Violence, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, Verbal Abuse, Very minimal angst in this one, r slur
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-24
Updated: 2020-12-24
Packaged: 2021-03-10 20:34:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 15,080
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28293174
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lilfella/pseuds/Lilfella
Summary: Hello all! This is a human college AU with Royality at the forefront and background Analogical. Patton is autistic (I base him off of my high school-era autism habits, thoughts, and behaviors), Roman is neurotypical (NT for short), Virgil is asexual alloromantic, and Logan is alloallo. This is the story of how Roman and Patton met and fell in love!
Relationships: Anxiety | Virgil Sanders/Logic | Logan Sanders, Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders/Morality | Patton Sanders
Comments: 27
Kudos: 47





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hello and welcome! Please take a moment to review the tags and make sure you're okay to proceed! This first chapter has a higher content of all the tw's than the rest, so if you can make it through this first chapter you'll be in the clear! This story is based off of my particular brand of autism when I was younger.

Patton Hart had seen Malarky’s Bar from the outside, but never from the inside. However, he was sure this was going to become his favorite new bar!

 _I can’t believe James asked me out!!_ Patton ignored the doubt in his mind, determined that now that he was in college and knew who he was, he could accept that other people might be attracted to him. He rocked his head back and forth, excited to go on a date with someone as popular as James. The lights were loud and flickering and it hurt his eyes, but he was _going_ to make this a good date goshdarnit!

 _I feel like I’m in high school again!_ He squashed down the negative memories and feelings that came from _that_ particular time, and just tried to be excited. He curled his fingers and rubbed them together, meditating on the feeling of the insides of his fingers brushing each other.

He jumped and winced at a sudden loud thud in front of him. He smiled through his cringing ears.

“Hi James!”

James smiled back, the doubt in Patton’s gut growing. “Hi Patton. I’m so glad you could make it.”

“Same here! I’m happy to see you too!”

James smiled and nodded, staring straight into Patton’s eyes and not saying anything, expression freezing on his face. Patton started rubbing his fingers and rocking a little again. He looked behind him, then looked back at James, who was still wearing that frozen look on his face.

Patton laughed nervously. “What is it? Is something behind me?” he asked as he turned around again.

“No, I was just waiting for you to say something.”

“Oh! Um, I’m sorry, I-” Patton’s mind was blanking out in his panic. “I like your hair!” he blurted out. He pushed back the urge to start crying. _I’m ruining it, I’m ruining it, my parents were right, no one besides them would love me, I’m too-_

James laughed, and something about it had Patton feeling uncomfortable in a way he couldn’t quite pin down.

“Thanks, I always wear it like this. What else do you think about me?”

Patton tilted his head, and James copied the movement. “I, um, think you’re, uh, cool?”

_You know he’s-_

_Shut up!! He’s not, I’m just misinterpreting things!_

“I, um, think you’re, uh, cool too?”

_Oh no._

_I told you._

A few snickers from a table next to them confirmed Patton’s fears.

 _It’s his friends._ Patton looked down, deeply hurt, so many other memories rising to the surface.

“Hey, come on now, try to keep eye contact.”

Patton whipped his head up, angry tears spilling down his cheeks. “Fuck. You.”

James’ face turned stormy. “How dare you. I go out on a pity date with you, and this is how you treat me on our date?!” James stood up, his friends no longer bothering to hide their snickers.

_It’s all an act, don’t apologize, stand up for yourself, you don’t deserve to be treated like this. Stay strong._

James pounded on the table in front Patton, the aggression and loud noise causing him to have to fight to keep eye contact, knowing he was probably going to be getting a beating. James saw the wavering resolve.

“Apologize. Say you’re sorry.”

The demand sparked something in Patton. “No.”

James laughed mockingly. “Ho ho ho, check _this_ tough guy out! He’s-”

James was cut off when a larger jock pushed him.

“Fuck off James.”

_Roman Prince? Why would **he** help me? I’m nobody, he shouldn’t put himself in harm’s way for me._

James smiled cruelly. “What’s the matter, you got a crush on the special tard?”

“No, I just don’t like assholes who pick on and threaten people.” Roman raised himself up to his full height, pulled back his shoulders, and turned his body to the side in preparation for a fight. “In the most literal sense, why don’t you pick on someone your own size?”

James’ lip drew up in a snarl. “ _It’s_ not worth it. Come on, let’s get out of here.”

James and his friends got up and left, Patton only able to hold his head up long enough to glare back at James. He dropped his head the moment he could.

He saw red and white in his peripheral vision and heard a chair moving. “Hey, are you okay?”

Everything was loud and bright and _hurt_ and everything smelled like old beer and stale peanuts and he felt sick and he just wanted to go home so he could stop crying in public.

“They’re gone now, I won’t let them hurt you. Do you want me to drive you home?”

Patton was rocking more noticeably now, unable to bring his gaze up. He thought Roman was being genuine, and he hated himself as he asked it, but,

“How do I know you’re not one of them?”

_Darnit darnit darnit, he’s nice, you’re pushing people away again! But that’s what you do, whoever isn’t immediately **repulsed** by you, you make sure they are by the time they get to know you._

“That’s fair. May I walk you home or wait until a friend comes for you? I want to make sure you get home safe.”

 _He sounds sincere enough, and I don’t want any more people seeing me._ “You can walk me home if you want,” he mumbled. “Wonderful!” Roman stood, and Patton stood along with him. Roman held out his elbow, and Patton was confused for a moment before he got it.

 _He really **is** a gentleman!_ “No thanks, I can walk.”

“The offer stands!”

Roman and Patton left the bar silently. When they exited, Patton looked around for James and his friends, but they were nowhere in sight. He stood there for a half minute until he realized that Roman didn’t know where he lived and was waiting for him to lead the way. Patton turned in the direction of his dorm, eyes downcast.

“What major are you?” Roman asked suddenly.

Patton winced, not wanting to talk at the moment. “Business.” After a moment, he remembered he needed to ask Roman. “How about you?”

“Education! I’d like to teach high school!”

“That sounds cool,” Patton said quietly. _A teacher, that’s nice. But I’ve also had mean teachers._

They spent another few moments in silence, until Roman broke it again.

“Would you mind if I talked?”

“Go ahead, I’m not good at talking right now.” _Oh geez, that doesn’t make **any** sense to anyone who isn’t me!_

Roman rolled with it. “Wonderful! I packed my schedule this semester, I don’t know what I was thinking. I have 8 AM classes every day!”

Patton hissed through his teeth. “Ouch.”

“Ouch indeed! And the first one is sooooooo boring, I always fall asleep! It’s physics, I try to stay awake, but I have such a hard time understanding it! I need things with a narrative, a story, I can’t grasp it otherwise!”

 _I can help him with that,_ Patton thought, not quite able to speak. _Maybe it would be nice to hang out with him. He might be okay._

It was another 10 minutes until they got to Patton’s dorm, and by then Patton had calmed down significantly.

“This is me,” Patton said, still not able to look Roman in the eye. _It’s the least I owe him, I need to look him in the eyes._

“I’m glad you made it to your home safely! Please do let me know if you need any further assistance!”

Patton automatically took the business card that was handed to him.

“Piano lessons?” _I don’t play the piano._

“Yes, I do offer piano lessons, but that’s also my phone number!”

 _Oh, of course, that makes sense!_ “Okay. Thank you.” _Why is he giving me his phone number? That’s too much, he shouldn’t be doing that. I’ll wear him out, it’s too generous._

“Think nothing of it! I’m glad to be of assistance to those in need!”

 _Oh. Pity. Great. He doesn’t actually like me, he just feels bad for me like everyone else._ “Thank you. I wanna go into my dorm now?”

“Of course! Take care, fair gentleman!”

Patton looked up at Roman from beneath his eyebrows. “You too. Thanks. Bye.” _Can’t you even **talk** normally? Oh wait, you can’t._

“Goodbye!”

Patton rushed to his dorm room and cursed internally when he saw Thomas was there. He didn’t need the fake friendship right now; he knew Thomas was just pretending to like him because they shared a dorm and he had to. Patton dropped his bag and started taking off his shoes when Thomas turned around from his computer.

“Hey, you’re back ea- oh no, what happened?”

The memory of the “date” came back full force. Patton’s eyes pricked with tears. “He and his friends were just making fun of me.”

“Fuck those guys. You wanna talk about it?”

Patton climbed up the ladder into his bed and curled up under the blankets. “No, not right now.” After a moment, he added, “I’m sorry.”

“No need to apologize! Quiet time?”

“If that’s okay?”

“Totally fine!”

Patton saw the lights get dimmed behind his eyes. He put on his noise cancelling headphones, set an alarm for an hour from now, and let himself doze.

/////

Patton submitted his macroeconomics homework and stretched, trying to hide how bad he felt about it.

_I’m gonna **hope** for a C._

Microeconomics was something Patton could understand, but macroeconomics was hard. He honestly didn’t care about it, and it was hard for him to stay focused on something he didn’t care about.

“Hey Thomas, I’m gonna get dinner, you wanna come with?”

Thomas pulled out an earbud. “Nah, I ate already and I’ve got a lot to catch up on.”

“Okay, good luck!”

Patton trekked to the cafeteria, warily keeping an eye out for James and his friends. Thankfully, he didn’t see them on the way there or when he scanned the cafeteria for them. He grabbed cheesy pasta, garlic bread, and soda, and sat down by himself at a table near a window. He was used to sitting by himself. He almost never had anyone sit with him at school, and when he did they were usually making fun of him. It didn’t mean he didn’t _want_ friends, he just never had any and he knew not to trust people if they “wanted” to be his friend; it was always out of pity or for their entertainment.

He’d just started eating his pasta when a blur of red and white appeared next to him. He looked up in surprise.

Roman was standing next to the table, looking nervous. “Hello Patton! I was wondering if I might sit with you?”

Patton looked around the cafeteria for anyone watching them. “Where are your friends? Don’t you want to sit with them?”

Roman shrugged. “They’re on the other side of the cafeteria, but I wanted to properly introduce myself if I may? I realized due to James being an absolute _cur_ that I never got to! May I?”

 _Huh. Okay._ “Sure, go ahead!” He tried to be his usual cheery self, but it was hard when he was nervous. _Is a Good Christian Boy? Will he try to talk me out of my lifestyle choices?_

Roman sat down and held his hand out. “Roman Prince, he/him, at your service!”

Patton couldn’t help but crack a smile at the energetic, rather handsome man who spoke like he just got back from a Renaissance Festival, and who clearly wasn’t a bigot. “Patton Hart, he/him, happy to meet you for real!”

Roman grinned. “Likewise! Ah, a pasta man, classic! There’s something so satisfying about pasta, isn’t there?”

Patton could feel himself getting excited with Roman talking about his favorite food. “Yeah! It’s so fun to eat too!”

“I couldn’t agree more! It just warms the heart and soul!”

Patton was grateful for the nap and quiet time; he’d built up enough spoons to put a semblance of an NT mask on. He’d normally have difficulty with conversing with a new person, but Roman made it easy, happy to take over the conversation when Patton wasn’t sure what to say next but still wanted to talk. He belatedly realized it had been an hour since he sat down, and he had to work on an essay still. _It only felt like 15 minutes!_

“Sorry Roman, I’ve got to go! But this was really fun!” _Is Roman a new friend?_

Roman smiled a brilliant smile. “I had fun as well! I’ll see you later!”

Patton waved, deposited his dinner tray and walked quickly back to his dorm, full of happy, bubbly energy.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh hi, I didn't see you there! This chapter contains some second-hand embarrassment, which I know some of y'all have a hard time reading. But we also get to meet some very special guests! :D

Hanging out with Roman during dinner became a regular occurrence. Their schedules lined up so that they would run into each other most days. Patton still spent half of the week eating by himself while Roman sat with his friends, which was fine, it just made Patton feel a little lonelier than usual. He felt bad, he _wanted_ Roman to have friends, it just came with a little sting because he knew that Roman’s friends would _never_ -

“Patton! May I introduce you to my friends, Logan and Virgil? They’ve just recently started dating, the lucky dogs!”

Patton jumped and looked up in surprise. Two men flanked Roman, and comprehension dawned on their and Patton’s faces at the same time.

/////

_Patton was eating alone at lunch again. He had just gotten a bad night’s sleep, which meant he got overstimulated at his very first class, and the workload was so much he wasn’t sure he’d be able to take it, and injustices from his past were starting to bubble back up to the surface and he was feeling the outrage at how he’d been treated anew._

_“Hey.”_

_Patton was jarred out of his thoughts, the transition from inside his head on a thought line to outside his head with a stranger was like having barbed wire dumped on him. He wanted nothing more than this man - scratch that, these two men - to leave him alone so he could go back inside his head._

_But, he knew how to put a mask on. “Hi!”_

_The one with glasses and a tie nodded. “Greetings. My name is Logan, this is Virgil. We were wondering if we could sit with you.”_

_Patton frowned. The cafeteria was mostly empty, he was there for a super late lunch. A memory that had been screaming at him all day popped up: in middle school, some popular kids who had been teasing him sat with him. Their friends were laughing at the next table, but Patton played along because he didn’t know what else to do. They kept doing it over and over again, and they’d guilt him if Patton called them out, saying he was being mean and they were being nice. Their faces flashed before his eyes._

_“Why do you want to sit next to me? There are plenty of tables.”_

_The one in a hoodie - Virgil - shifted and looked down, clearly uncomfortable._

_‘I knew it. They’re just like those other kids. They’ll act nice, but then they’ll hurt me. They’re just going to make fun of me.’_

_“My friend saw you sitting alone and-”_

_“And you thought I’d be an easy target?”_

_Both men looked surprised. “What? Dude, no, we just thought you might want some company.”_

_“Why, so you can mock me? Have a little fun between classes? No thanks. I might be different, I know I am, but I’m not stupid.”_

_“Dude, we never said-”_

_“Let’s go, Virgil. He doesn’t want us to sit with him.”_

_As they walked away, Patton went back inside his own mind, reliving all the times he’d been used for entertainment by his peers._

/////

Patton forced an awkward smile onto his face. “I think we’ve met before.”

“We have,” Logan said simply.

Roman looked between Patton and his friends, the icy air impossible to ignore. Virgil looked angry, and Logan’s face was neutral.

“Uh, do you want to sit here? I mean, can we sit here Patton?”

Patton saw Virgil open his mouth, so he rushed to say, “Yes! Please do!” He made meaningful eye contact with Virgil and Logan. Virgil looked cautious, while Logan’s face didn’t change.

“Great! I’m glad you three have met! I need to get some coffee, I’ll be back in a few minutes!”

Roman set his tray down next to Patton’s and rushed off to the hot drink machine. Patton looked down and straightened his silverware, making them perfectly parallel with the sides of his tray.

“Roman said your name was Patton?” Logan asked.

Patton looked back up, forgetting his mask for a moment. “Yes, it is! And I-”

“I’m back!”

_Why is it that I get to talk to you when I don’t want to?_

“Heya Roman!”

“Hello yourselves! Hope I didn’t interrupt anything!”

_You did._ “Don’t worry, you didn’t!”

“Glad to hear! Say Logan, how’s your project coming along?”

“Quite well, thank you. I’m currently being stifled by the library’s limit on the number of books I’m allowed to check out at once.”

_I didn’t even know there was a limit!_ “Wow really? How much is that?”

Logan looked at him, expression chilly. “50,” he said simply.

Patton gulped. _I was such a jerk, I deserve this. I didn’t let them say hardly anything to me before I was mean to them!_

Roman’s brow furrowed. “Right. Do you really need that many books?”

Logan turned back to Roman, and the chill left him. “I do. I’m presenting a hypothetical robotic arm prosthesis with fully functioning fingers.”

_“Holy cannoli, that’s so cool!!_ You must be really smart!!”

Logan’s eyebrows went up. “I, well, thank you. I certainly do my best. I hope to have this be my career.”

Patton started moving his head back and forth in an excited stim. “That would be so cool!! It is just the arm and hand and fingers you’d be working on, or other body parts too?”

Logan adjusted his tie. “I’m not skilled at the cosmetic aspect of prosthetics, that’s where Virgil’s expertise lies, I would be more interested in the robotics and functional aspect of the prosthetic, regardless of where on the body it is.”

_Is he defensive? Did I say something wrong? Oh gosh, I bet I stepped in it again._ “Totally get it! Robotics are cool!”

Conversation continued throughout lunch, the conversation still awkward but not nearly as bad. Roman had to excuse himself as his class was on the other side of campus, which left the three others at the table.

Patton looked between Virgil and Logan, now unable to look away. The silence was thick with tension for a long minute.

Finally, Patton broke it. “I’m sorry for being mean earlier fellas. I… I’m not usually like that.”

“Why _were_ you kind of a dick?”

“Virgil,” Logan scolded.

“No, that’s fair, I was. I was having a really bad day-”

“No shit.”

_“Virgil.”_

Patton flinched, feeling absolutely awful. “I know it’s no excuse, it’s more of like… a reason? I’m not usually mean. I was just having a really bad day. And people have been mean to me like how I was worried you were wanting to. They’ve done _that_ a lot. That’s actually how Roman and I met!”

Understanding dawned in Logan’s eyes. “I see. While I am sorry to hear that you’ve experienced bullying-”

“You didn’t give us a chance,” Virgil interrupted.

“You’re right! And that wasn’t fair to you guys.”

Logan nodded. “Very well. I’m willing to get to know you.” He held out his hand. “Logan Crofter.”

Patton took it, despite it being a bad touch day. “Patton Hart.”

Virgil just gave him a two-finger salute. “Virgil Storm.”

Patton waved. “Patton Hart!”

Virgil cracked a small smile, and the ice left Logan’s demeanor. “Good. I need to get to class, which means so does Virgil.”

“What time is- _oh shit!_ Bye Patton!”

Virgil and Logan left, and once Patton was certain they couldn’t see him, he let out a breath and laid his head on the table.

_No more social spoons today._

/////

Patton ate with Roman and his friends more often, though he would sometimes have to decline an invitation if there was too big of a group or if he couldn’t handle more than one person at a time that particular day. Thomas, of course, had blended right in. He noticed that Roman was complaining more and more about physics, but Patton was now nervous to offer assistance _because it had been a long time since I’ve known about Roman’s need for help in physics and I’ve been keeping it a secret that I’m really good at physics so would Roman think I’m keeping it from him? Would he be mad and not want to be friends? I always wanted friends, I **love** people, but I’ve never been able to have friends because I’m weird and people didn’t like my autism **and I don’t want to lose my friends!**_

Patton started his breathing exercises that his high school therapist taught him. _No panic attacks, not right now._

He sensed an arm go over the back of his chair as Roman switched topics and started talking about some kind of show he’d been in, making large movements and speaking more loudly. Normally, Patton was okay with loud noises, but every syllable from Roman felt like an ice pick being driven through his ear into his brain.

“Hey Patton, wanna come to the ice cream area with me?”

Patton looked up at Virgil, and felt like Virgil was reading his mind.

He plastered on a smile. “Sure!!”

Virgil and Patton headed to the ice cream area, which had a nice hum of machines and had the sound of the rest of the cafeteria a little more muted.

Virgil got himself and Patton a bowl and stood in front of the soft serve machine. “Roman tugged on my sleeve. I know what panic attacks look like, you want some help?”

Patton shook his head and let the tears fall. He knew he was past the point of swallowing back his emotions. He managed to stay mostly quiet while he and Virgil stood there. A few people walked by and Patton was a little embarrassed, but figured most folks in college cried in public at some point. And it was far from the first time it had happened for him.

Once he had a good cry for a few minutes, he was able to turn his face towards the ceiling and take in deep breaths. He looked down at an offered napkin. When he glanced at Virgil, he saw how uncomfortable Virgil looked. Patton smiled and took the napkin.

“Thanks Virgil. I just got a little overwhelmed and inside my own head is all, I do that sometimes.” He paled.

_Oh no, I just told him that this happens a lot and that I’m a mess and too much work and he’ll want to not spend any more time around me!!_

“No problem, I get it.”

_Huh?_

“Huh?”

Virgil shrugged, looking around the machines. “I have anxiety. Shit happens, I get it. No big deal.”

Patton smiled softly. “Thank you, Virgil,” he said quietly.

Virgil smiled back. “No problem.”

Patton peered around the corner, and was relieved when he saw that half of Roman’s friends had left the table. He got himself some chocolate-vanilla swirl soft serve with all the toppings, and returned to the table. He noted that Virgil got the scooped strawberry with chocolate sprinkles.

Roman put his arm over the back of Patton’s chair again once he sat down. Patton soaked up the warmth. Lately, he’d been noticing how handsome Roman was. He’d spied a rainbow sticker on his laptop, so he was hopeful, but Roman could also just be an ally.

_Besides, there’s no **way** someone as awesome as Roman would be interested in me._ Patton shook the images of Jake from his mind.

“Ugh, I have another physics assignment to do tomorrow, I forgot! Shit!”

Patton inhaled slowly. _It might be okay. Let’s see._ “I can help if you want?”

Roman looked over. “You would?”

Patton gathered his strength to appear confident. “Sure! I’m pretty good at physics. The only class I’m struggling with right now is macroeconomics, but otherwise I’m doing good! Maybe I could help?”

Roman sat up straight in his chair. “I can help you with macroeconomics!”

Patton’s eyes sparkled. “Really?! That’s awesome!! Let’s start with physics, you have an assignment due tomorrow. Wanna meet after supper?”

They scheduled a time, and Patton had to excuse himself. He didn’t have a class, but he couldn’t handle the cafeteria noises and all the people anymore. Despite being devoid of spoons, he still walked quickly and happily to the building where his next class would be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Full disclosure: I did something similar to what Patton did to Logan and Virgil. After being bullied my entire school career, I had someone offer to help out with the bullies. I'd gotten similar offers for help from people who were actually insincere, so I told him off because I didn't trust him. I went up to him later and apologized, but I definitely was reacting defensively.
> 
> Also, social interactions can be fun! But they can also be v draining.
> 
> And can we talk about what a good boi Roman is in this chapter especially?! Drawing attention to himself while he gets Virgil to help Patton? I love Princey sm. I have struggled with and sometimes still struggle with insecurity around my autism, and I wanted to represent that here.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the chapter where the rubber meets the road, both in terms of the plot in general and some of the heavier tw's in the tags. The heavier stuff is primarily concentrated in between the lines of tildes. I hope you enjoy!

“Okay, so _now_ is when you add that piece of the equation in. It looks like you were just calculating too fast!”

“Are you sure? Wait, you’re right!!”

Patton pumped both fists in the air above his head. “We did it!! Good job Roman!!”

“It was you who did the hard work!”

“No, you’re the one learning!” 

They made eye contact for a moment, then burst out into laughter. Patton was relieved that Roman was cheery; he’d had to break himself out of crushing on Roman with Roman being _so very close in a very tight workout shirt_ , and Patton was _so very gay._ He’d had to think it over in his head and make sure that he wasn’t just attracted to Roman because he was nice to him, or because he’d saved him from James and his friends. He was attracted to Roman because he was nice, and handsome, and smart, and funny, and charitable, and hardworking, and determined, and dramatic, and talented, and could roll with Patton’s eccentricities, and he was good to people, and-

_And I’m doomed._

Roman leaned back and stretched, visible muscles tensing and rippling beneath his skin-tight shirt. Patton’s mouth ran dry and _oh no, I’ll be sitting here for a while._

“Thank you so much Patton! I feel a lot better about this dreadful class! Would you like to meet tomorrow to talk about macro? I can meet any time after 8.”

“Sure!” Patton’s mouth said before his brain had a chance to offer input.

“Wonderful! I’m looking forward to it,” Roman said with a wink. Patton just barely managed to bite back a whimper.

Roman leaned forward and looked at Patton’s paper, close enough that he could smell Roman’s spicy and smoky cologne.

_I’m going to be stuck at this library table for all eternity._

“I see what you did, that makes sense now. I wish _you_ were my teacher!” Roman joked.

“Awwwww that’s so sweet of you!!” Patton squealed.

 _He’ll never be attracted to me, so at least I don’t have to worry that he’s **flirting** with me._ Patton nearly laughed at the thought.

Roman stood and stretched his arms above his head, revealing a strip of skin just above his waistband, where Patton saw a dark trail of hair disappear.

_Oh Lord._

“I must be off! I have a workout yet to do, but thank you again Patton, so much!! I very much appreciate it!!”

Patton smiled, genuinely happy to have helped Roman and improve his life in some way. “Sure thing! Have fun at your workout!”

They said their goodbyes, and Patton had to wait a half hour of struggling with macroeconomics to be able to get up from the table.

/////

It was finals week, and Patton was allowing himself a luxurious dinner by sitting with his friends and chatting instead of studying. He still felt his friendship with everyone was tenuous at best, even with Thomas, that he could lose them at any point because he would be too much, so he was trying so hard to be good for them.

But the stress was getting him close to breaking.

He _knew_ logically that they were just stressed from finals too, but that didn’t stop the nasty voices in his head from telling him that they were trying to stop being friends with him by lack of interaction and they just didn’t want to tell him. He tried to ask sneaky questions instead of asking directly, “Do you want to still be friends, or have I finally worn out your patience and you’re trying to get me to go by not interacting with me or being less excited to see or talk to me?”. Because that would be so uncomfortable for everyone involved, and the wrinkly part of his brain knew better, but his lizard brain didn’t.

Patton was having a hard time with Roman in particular. He felt the most attached to Roman, and also felt the least secure. If he lost Roman, that would be devastating. He knew he’d be able to go on, goodness knows he’s been able to push through similar situations, but that didn’t mean it wouldn’t hurt.

_The stress means Roman’s not able to fool himself into thinking **I’m** not stressful._

Patton was biting his nails and cuticles until they were sore and bloody. It made it hard to type, tie his shoes, look through books, and write, but he couldn’t stop himself from the stress behaviors.

_He’s going to lose interest in helping a charity case like me._

~~~~~

_Patton was in his usual outfit: high rise jeans, a t-shirt tucked in, a thick sweater over that, tube socks, and tennis shoes. It was comfortable, familiar, and easy._

_And it unfortunately drew more attention than he wanted._

_He was sitting at a large, circular table by himself for his lunch. He’d given up the hope for friends or for someone to approach him long ago, so now he just hoped he wouldn’t be bullied. It hurt, he wanted friends and to socialize more than **anything** , but he knew that wasn’t an option for him._

_Which made him all the more shocked when one of his regular bullies sat at his table._

_“Hey,” D.J. said with a grin. “Mind if I sit here?”_

_Patton could hear snickering at the next table over, and he **knew** he was being made fun of, but he didn’t know what to do._

_“Sure!” he said, playing along, pretending to be excited to have a friend._

_“Oh good! I’ll be right back!”_

_D.J. was laughing at his table with his friends for the rest of lunch._

_/////_

_Patton was hiding underneath the playset during recess. His mom had told him that he might make some friends who didn’t mind that he was weird! But she was wrong. He had made the mistake of sitting on a tire swing, and a bunch of kids spun him around really fast until he fell off. His stomach still felt upset. He tried just walking away and playing on the monkey bars, but they pushed him off of there too. So now he was hiding._

_He jumped when he got pelted by the little gravel rocks that made up the playground. He looked over, and saw the other kids throwing rocks at him. He started screaming and crying, and stayed that way until recess ended. Every recess went like that, until one of his teachers let him stay inside during recess. He spent the first few recesses inside crying because he wanted to play outside and make friends, but he knew that no one wanted to be friends with him._

_/////_

_“Patton, honey, I’m so sorry you’re still alone at school,” his mother soothed, picking the leaves out of his hair that had been smashed in there by bullies. “But you choose to act so… unique, and it’s just hard to be around you a lot of the time. I’ll still love you no matter what because you’re my son, but it’s hard for people who aren’t your family to get past all of your… special traits. It takes a lot of time and patience, and they might not like what they find. That’s why you have your family. We’ll always love you. It’s part of the gig!” she laughed._

_Patton cried the rest of the evening. His parents yelled at him for crying too much and for missing dinner._

_/////_

_Patton was bouncing in his seat. He was going to a friend’s birthday party! His first ever!! Gemma came up to him when he was crying in the band room and sat with him while he blurted out what had happened that day. It wasn’t a lot, but it had compounded on a few other things, and it just got too much._

_They had hung out at school between classes a few times, and texted sometimes, and when he was invited to her birthday party along with her friends, he could hardly contain his excitement! Especially since she hadn’t been able to talk to him at all recently!_

_He’d carefully picked out and wrapped his gift, and he rang the doorbell with a wide smile._

_Mrs. Thompson answered the door. “Why hello there! I’m Mrs. Thompson.” She extended her hand._

_Patton took it. “Patton Hart. It’s nice to meet you!”_

_“Nice to meet you as well! Please, come in.”_

_Patton set his gift on the gift table and quickly found Gemma surrounded by a group of friends. She looked surprised to see him, but just smiled and kept talking. Patton followed her around for some of the party, wanting to talk to her, but eventually gave up and sat by himself, overwhelmed from all the new people and all the sounds and socializing around him, and ate some of the M &M’s that were on a snack table._

_No one bothered to get him when they cut the cake, and he never got more than a few sentences out of Gemma after that._

_“It’s like the others, huh?” Mrs. Hart asked. She sighed when Patton nodded. “If you tried a little harder to be more social, you might have better luck. You can’t keep playing the victim all the time. Some of the blame lies on you.”_

_‘But I’m so lonely! I feel like the inside of me is on fire with how lonely I am!’ Patton wanted to scream. Instead, he just agreed with his mom._

~~~~~

Patton came back to the present when Roman announced that he had to get to class.

“I’ll come with!” Patton announced. He winced at how loud he was.

Roman just grinned. “Wonderful!”

Once they were in a semi-secluded area between buildings, Patton stopped walking.

“Roman?”

Roman turned and frowned when he saw the expression on Patton’s face. “Yes? Is something wrong?”

Patton looked down, figuring at this point Roman knew he had a hard time with eye contact. “Why are you friends with me?”

Roman was silent for a moment. “I- because I like you? I like spending time with you?”

 _He avoided the question! Oh god, oh no._ “Do you like me less now that you’ve gotten to know me?”

“What?! No! I very much enjoy your company!”

Patton made eye contact. “Are you lying?”

“No!” Roman said, beginning to get offended.

Emotions from the past came to the forefront. “But I know I’m difficult!” he cried, tears beginning to form. “I know I’m not easy! And there are people who are easy to be friends with, and I know I’m not one of them, I know I take work!”

“But every friendship takes work?” Roman countered, completely baffled.

 _He’s avoiding again, you’re losing him for sure!_ “But I’m _more_ work!”

“Says who?” 

“Everybody!!” Patton covered his mouth with a gasp. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to yell. I shouldn’t have yelled at you, I’m sorry Roman!”

Roman shook his head. “Patton, I must say I’m rather confused. How long have you thought this?”

Patton hung his head. _You freak out on your friends that you lure in, it’s probably for the best of society at large that more people don’t try to befriend you._ “I’ve known since forever. And I’ll understand if you don’t wanna be friends with me anymore,” he said honestly. “I’m not trying to make you feel bad, I just wanna let you know that I’d understand if you didn’t wanna be friends anymore.”

Roman was silent again for a long moment. “Patton, I… I don’t know what I’ve done to give you the impression that I don’t like you anymore, but I still wish to be friends if you do!”

Patton ground his teeth. “But I’m hard work! Leaving me means less work for you!” 

“You’re not more work to me! I’m in love with you! I love the way your mind works! You can keep up with me!” 

“But I’m not normal! I’m autistic!” 

“That doesn’t bother me!”

“But I’m-” Patton froze. “Did you say you’re in love with me?”

_No. No way. No way in hell. Not a snowball’s chance in hell. Nope. No way. He **can’t** love someone like me._

Roman was as pale as a sheet. “Patton, I…” he trailed off, speechless for the first time since Patton’s met him.

 _I knew it. He didn’t mean it._ Patton turned and started walking away sadly. He’d only made it a few steps before Roman ran up to him and put a hand on his elbow. Patton flinched at the touch.

“Patton, wait! I did say that! I mean it!” Roman was watching Patton, desperate and terrified to see how he’d respond.

Patton stared up at him in awe. “You do? I mean, you are?”

Roman nodded, panting.

Patton smiled shyly and wiped his face, laughing wetly. “I… I think I feel the same way about you too, Roman.” 

Patton watched Roman’s face light up like a Christmas tree from a Hallmark movie, full of disbelief and hope.

“Really?”

Patton giggled, too many emotions going at once to hold back his giggles. “I mean, who wouldn’t? You’re handsome and personable and smart and funny and brave and nice and a lot of other things!” he wrapped up, wanting to avoid too long of a sentence.

Roman laughed, the tension leaving his body. “My god Patton, I thought you were going to stop being my friend!”

“Same here!”

Roman’s watch beeped, and he swore. “I… fuck, I _can’t_ be late, I’m so sorry Patton. I…” he smiled nervously. “Patton Hart, would you like to be my boyfriend?”

Patton nodded quickly, not trusting his voice. It was enough for Roman, who chuckled.

“I’m so happy Patton. May I text you later this evening?”

Patton laughed, too loudly he knew, but he couldn’t help it! “Of course! Don’t be late!” 

Roman started jogging away. “Goodbye, fair knight!”

“Bye!” Patton waved. He nearly _skipped_ back to his dorm, feeling like he was floating on air. Familiar negative thoughts danced through his mind, but he was able to ignore them by virtue of the sheer joy.

“Hey Thomas!”

Thomas caught his eye and smiled. “Hey Patton! You look happy!”

“Yeah! I am!” Patton flopped on the futon he’d set up beneath his raised bed. “Roman still likes me!” He giggled, letting the conversation build a bit.

“Oh yeah? Did you think he didn’t?”

Patton winced. “Yeah, because of other stuff, but he convinced me!”

“That’s good! How’d he do that?”

Patton giggled again, happy stimming a bit by rocking and rubbing his fingers together. “Oh, nothing big, he just asked me out.”

Thomas whipped around. “What?! Holy shit, that’s awesome, congratulations dude!!”

Patton laughed. “Thank you!! He’s gonna text me later!”

“Oooooo, we’ve _gotta_ see what he says!”

Patton rocked more vigorously. “Uh-huh!”

They gushed for a few more minutes, Patton enjoying sharing the start of his very first relationship with someone, before he turned to his studying. Finals week may not be the best week to have panicked all over and be asked out by someone, but by gosh it was turning into Patton’s favorite week ever!

/////

Three hours later, Patton’s phone chimed. Thomas and Patton caught each others’ eyes and smiled. They say together on the futon and read Roman’s text message.

_“Hello, darling Patton! I was wondering if you’d like to get ice cream from 2 Scoops this weekend to celebrate the end of finals?”_

Patton giggled and slapped a hand to his mouth. “What should I say back?! I’ve never had something like this before!”

Thomas melted. “Awwwww, this is your first relationship?”

Patton nodded, curling in his shoulders a bit.

Thomas tapped his chin. “Hmmmm, you could go simple, and say something like, “That sounds great! What time?” and let him decide the time. Or you could try flirting!”

Patton bounced and rocked as he thought. _The simple route would be easiest and safest, but I really wanna flirt! Roman deserves it! But I don’t wanna mess this up._ He shuffled his feet in stress. “I don’t know… I wanna flirt with him, because I can now and he’s really hot and nice and handsome! But I don’t wanna mess this up and I’ve never flirted before.”

Thomas smiled encouragingly. “That’s okay, I can help. And Roman seems head over heels for you, I’m sure he’ll love it. Do you have any ideas about what you wanna say?”

Patton bit his lip and typed out what he was thinking.

_“Only if it’s also going to be a date. ;)”_

“What do you think?” Patton asked as he accidentally hit ‘Send’. Patton watched as the text populated on his screen.

_Seen, 7:34 P.M._

Patton let his phone fall on his lap as he leaned back and covered his eyes. “I’m going to die alone,” he moaned.

Thomas laughed. “I thought that was _great_!”

Patton lifted up a hand to peer at Thomas. “Really?”

“Yeah!”

_Ding!_

Patton’s eyes widened and he gulped. Thomas bit back laughter at Patton’s nerves. _Poor guy._

“Want me to read it for you?”

Patton scrunched his eyes close and sighed. “Nooo…” After a few seconds, he picked up the phone.

_“But of course! ;)”_

“Oh thank god!” Patton breathed out. In his relief, his grip on the phone loosened and it fell on his nose. “Ow.”

Thomas snorted. “I take it he liked it?”

Patton sighed dreamily. “Yeah, he did.” He smiled up at the bottom of his mattress and the bars that held it there. “I’m gonna go on a date! For real!”

He considered texting his mom, but decided against it. He instinctively wanted to share things with his parents and for them to be excited for him, but they were too skilled at making him feel bad.

“Sounds like you’ve got a date!”

“Yeah. Yeah, I do! And he’s really cute!”

Thomas chuckled. “Congratulations Patton, I’m happy for you. Wanna have celebratory cookies?”

“Do I?!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Princey is a little shit and absolutely wore that shirt to their study session and stretched and leaned in on purpose.
> 
> One of my things is I can have a hard time with volume control when I get really excited or happy. It can make being in public awkward sometimes.
> 
> And yes, my 2nd/ 3rd set of parents are really like that.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is sweet and fluffy and adorable. We'll see Patton navigating uncertainty and see how I prepare for anything: by studying and thinking every single option over.

Patton got to the ice cream shoppe early. He took an hour to get ready, painstakingly choosing every item of clothing and accessory and doing every self-grooming behavior he could; he wanted everything to be as perfect as possible!

_My first real date!! And it’s with **Roman!!**_

He sat with his side to the front of the store. That way, he could watch for Roman while also pretending not to see him so there wouldn’t be awkward eye contact.

He was scrolling through Facebook when he saw a now-familiar red and white jacket out of the corner of his eye. He corrected his posture and tried to make himself look as good as possible.

The bell above the door jingled, and Patton looked up. Roman’s smile could rival the sun’s, and Patton felt any uncertainty melt away.

“Hi Roman!” he said, unable to control his too-wide smile.

“Hello Patton! It’s wonderful to see you!”

Patton smiled and stood, butterflies in his stomach. _Does he expect a hug? A handshake? A kiss? Oh no, I might mess this up!_

Roman stood before Patton, and upon seeing how anxious he was, gestured to the serving counter. “Would you like to get some ice cream? They have 52 flavors!”

Patton agreed quickly, relieved for the excuse to move on to the next part of the date. _Okay, that… could have gone worse?_

Roman led Patton to the counter. “What do you think? Any of these look good?”

“It’s ice cream, they all look good!” Patton teased.

“Right you are!”

_Okay, I want something that’s still me, but nothing that will have a chance to stain my outfit or teeth or lips. And nothing too childish, I have a tendency to-_

“Hello, and welcome to 2 Scoops! I’m Martin, your friendly neighborhood ice cream server. What can I get you?”

“Do you know what you’re getting Patton?” Roman asked quietly.

“Yep!” Patton chirped. _Nope, not even close!_ He felt perturbed once more that this shoppe didn’t list their flavors on their website so he could decide before he got here. His irritation faded when he smelled Roman’s cologne - stronger than usual, _oh my god he put on cologne just for me!!_ \- and realized how close they were standing. The hairs on Patton’s arms stood up, apparently happy too.

“I’ll have two scoops of maple pecan please!

_Oh thank god, he’s polite to servers._

Patton looked up and down the line in a panic, and decided on his favorite.

“Cotton candy please! Um, two scoops too please!”

They waited in silence while their ice cream was served, Patton’s nerves flaring.

“That’ll be $8.98.”

Roman handed Martin $15. “Keep the change!”

“Thank you!”

_Oh god, he’s a generous tipper too!!_

Patton slunk back over to his seat and sat across from Roman. He smiled, shaking a little from anxiety.

“Thank you for paying for my ice cream.”

“‘Tis my pleasure! I hope you don’t mind my ice cream flavor, I know it can be a little old-fashioned,” Roman said sheepishly.

Patton drew his head back in surprise. “Not at all! I think it suits you! It’s dignified!”

Roman’s chest puffed out. “Why thank you! I think yours suits you too!”

 _Oh no._ “Oh?”

“It’s very sweet and pure and fun-loving!”

Patton blushed darkly. “Thank you!”

“Of course!” Roman took a large scoop, and Patton copied him. He soon inhaled sharply and brought his fingers to the space between his eyebrows.

“Brain freeze?” Roman asked lightly.

“Mhm,” Patton groaned through a mouthful of ice cream.

“That’s adorable.”

Patton bit back giggles so he wouldn’t spit out his ice cream. He chewed and swallowed his ice cream, breathed through his nose to soothe his brain freeze, then took another large scoop.

Roman’s voice was shaking with barely-restrained laughter. “Brain freeze?”

“Mhm!”

Roman muted his chuckles to the best of his abilities. Patton glared playfully at him.

“I must say, I’m quite glad to be done with finals! Not only am I now free to take an absolutely _gorgeous_ man out on a date,” he said with a dastardly wink. “I’m free to pursue my true passion!”

“Taking men out on dates?” Patton said, ducking his head a little due to nerves about the teasing.

Roman grinned. “My _second_ greatest passion,” he said, voice pitched lower and eyes burning holes into Patton’s face.

Patton’s blush returned full force. “Eating ice cream?”

Roman laughed. “Piano! I do love the arts, and piano is a particular passion of mine! I’m preparing for the holiday swing dance. I’ll be playing the piano and singing, providing live music to the attendees!”

Patton rocked back and forth. “Really? That’s so cool Roman! I know you’ll be awesome!”

Roman laughed and scratched the back of his neck. “Thank you! I’m preparing a piece that’s rather vocally challenging, but I’m hopeful that I can master it by the time of the dance.”

“I’m sure you will!” Patton curled in his shoulders a bit. “I’d like to see and hear you play and sing sometime,” he admitted shyly.

“It’s a date,” Roman said in that low voice. Patton held back a pleasant shiver.

The rest of the date went by smoothly, conversation flowing easily once Patton relaxed more. They played off of each other effortlessly, Patton experimenting with flirting and both men happy to listen to the other talk about their passions. Once the store was getting ready to close, Roman walked Patton back to his dorm. The night had taken hold, and the streets were quieting down. Patton reveled in listening to the calming footsteps of him and Roman.

They chatted all the way to the dorm, and they got there far too soon for Patton’s liking.

Patton turned to Roman, eyes cast downward. _There’s usually a first kiss, right? I don’t know how to do that! And I don’t know if I’m ready. I don’t think I want that yet._

Roman was looking down at Patton, just close enough to be within kissing distance. “I had a lot of fun tonight,” he said quietly, intimately.

Patton gave a nervous half-smile, still looking down. “I did too.” He reflected on how well it had gone, and the happiness he felt gave him the ability to look up. “I had a lot of fun.”

Roman was staring him in the eyes, watching him hungrily.

_Oh dear, I need to do something!_

Patton grabbed Roman’s hand from where it was hanging and shook it. “Good date!” and ran into his dorm. He crawled up to his bed and flopped face-first into the pillow.

“How’d it go?”

“I’m going to die alone, for real this time.”

“Awww buddy, I’m sorry. What happened?”

Patton whined into his pillow. “It was the end of the date, Roman walked me back to the building, and then he leaned in a bit and I shook his hand and said “Good date!” and ran!”

He heard Thomas muffling his laughter behind his hand. “It’s embarrassing!”

“I’m sure Roman is fine with it. It’s pretty normal to be nervous at the end of a first date.”

Patton turned his head to the side, largely because he was in need of oxygen. “Really?”

“Definitely. So no first kiss?”

Patton groaned as he turned his face back into the pillow. “Noooo…”

Thomas eased up. “That’s okay, it doesn’t have to happen on the first date. And I’m _positive_ Roman is fine going at whatever pace you want to.”

Patton turned his head to the side again. “You promise?”

Thomas smiled softly. “Yeah buddy, I do. I’m sure Roman thinks it’s adorable.”

Patton groaned and hid his face again.

Thomas laughed. “What do you think you’ll text him?”

“Huh?”

“It’s common for people to text each other after a date. Usually just saying that they had fun and/ or scheduling the next date.”

“Oh crap, thank you!!”

“Sure thing!”

Patton opened his phone and typed up 6 drafts before settling on one.

_“Hi Roman! Thank you for the date. It was really awesome. I hope you wanna go on a date again! Would you like to?”_

It only took a few minutes for Patton to get a reply.

_“But of course! It was my pleasure. ;) Shall we see the new X-Men movie?”_

Patton squealed and rocked back and forth.

_“Yes, that sounds like fun! When?”_

Roman and Patton worked out the details, and Patton stayed in bed, too excited to fall asleep for an hour.

/////

The following Friday evening, Patton waited for Roman on a bench near the parking lot. He had his wallet ready in his front pocket, and he had done hours of research on how to kiss really well.

_If I’m gonna kiss him, I’m gonna do it right!_

Roman pulled up in a dark purple Subaru hatchback. Patton hopped up and got in the front seat.

Roman smiled at him, attempting to subtly check him out. “Hey Patton.”

Patton took the less-subtle route. “Hey yourself!”

Roman laughed, then shifted the car into gear. “Are you excited for the movie?” “I am! I think it’s gonna be good! They’re finally not making everything revolve around Wolverine!”

_“I know right?!”_

They chatted on the drive there, Patton having to focus on keeping his volume low since he was so excited. As they approached the ticket booth, Patton stuck his hand in his pocket.

_Aha! Finally, I get to-_

“Two for _X-Men_ please,” Roman said, suddenly in front of Patton.

Patton narrowed his eyes. _Oh I am SO getting the concessions mister!_

Once Roman the tickets and they got inside, Patton said, “I’m getting the snacks and drinks!” He flinched at his own volume, and curled in on himself when several people looked their way.

Roman just laughed. “Far be it from me to stop you!”

 _Huh, I expected more of a struggle._ “Well, yeah, good.” Patton nodded to himself.

Roman huffed out a small laugh. “You’re adorable.”

Patton playfully glared at him while they got in line for the concessions. They got a large popcorn, two sodas, and a box of Reese’s Pieces. Roman led Patton to the correct theater and up the stairs to one of the back rows. Patton sat stiffly, unsure of what to do next. He knew that people making out in the back of movie theaters wasn’t a universal constant, but he also didn’t want to have Roman kiss him and have it be bad.

“Can I put my arm over the back of your chair?” Roman asked.

Patton gulped. _Don’t mess it up, don’t mess it up, don’t mess it up…_ “Sure!”

Roman laid his arm over the back of Patton’s chair, his fingertips just barely brushing his shoulder. Patton felt tingly heat from the proximity and sparks from the contact. His mind was swimming with lust and attraction, hardly able to believe that he was so close to Roman, and that they were in a romantic situation. More people started filling in the theater while Patton was stuck inside his own mind.

“What do I do?” he blurted out.

“What do you mean?” Roman’s face started out amused, but morphed into concern when he looked at Patton.

Patton looked down and shifted in his seat, rubbing the fabric of his sleeves between his fingers. “I don’t… I don’t know what to do. I’m sorry.”

Roman leaned forward, setting the popcorn on the ground. “Do you not want to be on a date?”

“No, that’s not it!” Patton rushed to reassure him. “I’ve just… never done this before? Besides our first date! Which, um,” Patton tapped his feet. “Which was also my first date? Which was why I kinda panicked at the end of it?”

Roman’s eyes widened into saucers. “Oh. Oh! Oh my sweet, you’ve never been in a relationship before?”

Patton felt his neck heat up from the nickname. “Not really. My parents made me go to both of my proms with a girl I didn’t like, and I avoided her the rest of the time because she made me feel uncomfortable. And James doesn’t count.”

“He doesn’t,” Roman said firmly. He relaxed. “We’ll go at your pace, no faster, okay?”

Patton smiled. “Okay.”

Roman smiled back. “I shall endeavor to show you how magical it is to be in a relationship. Do you still want my arm over the back of your chair?”

Patton’s heart melted at the caution. “Yeah, I like it. I just don’t know what to do with it?” He cringed at his choice of words.

Roman was unfazed. “It’s up to you. You can stay as you are, you can cuddle-”

 _That sounds amazing!_ “Cuddling! How do I do that?”

Roman’s face fell into one of devastation. “You’ve never _cuddled_ before?!” he whispered.

“Oh no, I have!” Patton backpedaled. “Just not for a long time. My parents stopped cuddling me when I was really little. I can barely remember it.”

Roman’s face didn’t improve much. “Oh Patton, you deserve so much more. You’d like to cuddle?”

Patton nodded eagerly. Roman couldn’t help his chuckle.

“Alright then. If you’d like, you can lean against my shoulder or chest, whichever is more comfortable for you. And you can stop at any time if you get uncomfortable."

Patton took a deep, stabilizing breath, and slowly leaned over so his shoulder was against Roman's chest and his head was on Roman's shoulder.

_Oh. This is really nice._

Patton's skin was prickling all over and his blood was rushing through his veins. Roman's hand came down enough to hold Patton's upper arm and hold it, rubbing and squeezing. Patton could smell Roman's cologne, and could practically see himself in a cloud of warm attraction. He sighed happily.

Roman chuckled as the movie intro stated playing. "And Patton, there's no pressure to kiss me. If and when you're ready, I'll be here, but it's not a requirement."

Patton turned that over in his head. _Okay, no pressure to kiss him, that's nice._ He ate popcorn and drank from his soda leisurely throughout the movie, very aware of the very attractive man he was cuddling with, and who was cuddling _with_ him.

The movie theater was illuminated by lighting strikes from Storm. Patton risked a glance up at Roman. His eyes were transfixed on the screen and the strong, masculine jawline was _right there_. Patton could imagine how it would feel on his lips, how warm and solid it would be, how much his blood was singing for it.

Patton leaned up and pressed a quick kiss to Roman's jaw, and it was even better than he imagined. He felt like every blood feel turned into fireworks in his body, his skin became burning hot, and he was pretty sure he was actually _levitating_.

He pulled back, positively giddy, and watched Roman's face. Roman turned to him, and _his eyes are even prettier when they sparkle like that._

Roman had two small circles of blush on his cheeks that Patton found way too cute, and a smile was slowly spreading over his face.

Patton giggled quietly and hid his head by cuddling again. He felt a puff of air on his hair, then Roman pressed a slow, sweet kiss to the top of Patton's head. Patton felt like he had goosebumps all over his head, like he got hit with a beam of joy.

He giggled loudly, stopped himself for a moment, before another giggle broke through, and another. He felt Roman smile against the top of his head and nuzzle him. They cuddled for the rest of the movie, and Patton pulled away shyly when the lights came up after all the credits rolled. They made eye contact, and Patton giggled and looked away, grinning like a fool.

"That was… _amazing_ , Roman."

"I couldn't agree more."

Patton looked up through his eyelashes. _Don't mess this up, don't mess this up. He likes you now, make sure he keeps liking you._

"I hope we can do this again sometime?"

Roman's gaze bore into him. "Absolutely."

Patton let out a breath of relief. "Thank God. I'll text you?"

"That sounds wonderful."

Patton blushed. "Sweet! Goodnight!"

Roman took one of Patton's hand and placed a slow kiss to the back of it, maintaining eye contact. "Goodnight, my sweet," he said with a dangerous smirk.

"Goodnight, my prince!"

Roman fell into an way smile as Patton waved and went inside.

_I can't wait to do that again!!_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No but really, I plan every single accessory out, depending on where I'm going, who I'll be meeting, what impression I'd like to give, if we'll be active or still, what message each piece individually and all together send, and more. And I plan out all of my food _and_ drink orders out ahead of time, even if I'm going by myself to a bar or meeting up for a happy hour with co-workers.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is the last intense one, but we do have some more angst. I hope you like it!

Finals week was looming once more. Patton was stressed beyond belief; he hadn’t even been able to go on a date with Roman in two weeks! Both men were wound tight and scheduled to the gills, and their friends were the same. Patton was once again having a hard time fighting back against his inner voice.

_You know now that he’s more stressed, he’s realizing you aren’t worth it. You’ve been on 13 dates, and you haven’t even properly kissed him!_

Patton shifted nervously. Kissing on the lips was a _big thing_ and whenever he and Roman got close, Patton would chicken out, either backing away and saying goodbye, or kissing Roman’s _(handsome, warm, perfect)_ cheek instead. Roman seemed happy, but Patton knew how good of actors people could be.

He curled up on his futon and started to cry. _I know Roman seems happy, and he says that he’s happy, and he’s probably telling the truth, but oh **god** the fact- no, **idea** , not fact- that he’s going to break up with me as a boyfriend and as a friend hurts **so bad.** And why wouldn’t he? I’m a social vampire, my parents said so. Once they learned about spoons, they said that it made sense and that now they had a way to put words to what I am. My parents know me best, they know the **real** me for the longest, it **has** to be true. And it's the first time I've had friends for a while! I'm the only common denominator._

Patton pulled himself together, very familiar with this spiral, and focused intently on his essay. It involved a lot of research, which helped focus his mind on something else.

It came time for dinner, and Patton knew he'd see Roman there.

_Okay, let's try **not** to do an insecurity spiral._

Patton cleaned himself up a bit for dinner, then made his way through the line quickly, hoping Roman would give him some attention.

 _I already take so much from him, I can’t keep asking for more and more. It’ll just have to be whatever he’s willing to give._ He spied Roman’s back, took a deep breath, and plastered on a cheery smile.

“Hi guys!” He _was_ genuinely happy to see people, he loved people and loved socializing, he just knew he was probably in for a bit of emotional pain.

Sure enough, Roman barely turned his head towards Patton as he continued talking to his friends.

Patton was desperate for comfort from his boyfriend. _Is laying my head on his shoulder too much? He usually likes it._ Patton slowly laid his head on Roman’s shoulder and sighed. Roman’s arm came up around him a moment later. Patton let himself lay there for a moment before sitting up and starting to eat his food. Roman let him go with a quick back scratch.

_Oh my god, I haven’t done anything for him yet! I haven’t given back! I need to give back **at least** as much as I get! I have a mouth full of cheesy pasta, I can’t kiss him, what can I do?!_

Anxious, cruel thoughts kept circulating around his head, unwilling to leave him alone. Every word from Roman seemed to only reinforce the taunts Patton’s mind threw at him.

_He’s leaving you for **sure**._

Patton survived dinner, although he knew he was quieter than usual. When Roman left, Patton realized he’d hardly eaten anything. He took his mostly-full tray to the tray depository and followed Roman out. On a whim, Patton took Roman’s hand, who gently pulled his hand away.

Patton felt like he was stabbed through the heart.

They had just gotten outside when Patton couldn’t hold it in any longer. “Roman?”

Roman whipped around at hearing the sad tone in his boyfriend’s voice. “Is something wrong?”

Patton hung his head. “Yeah, I think so.”

Roman straightened, hearing the defeated tone. “What’s going on?” he asked nervously.

Patton looked at different spots on the ground. “You haven’t been talking to me as much as you used to.”

Roman sighed, running a hand over his face. “Patton, that’s because preparing for finals have been awful and I'm in over my head in schoolwork. I have so many projects to complete.”

Patton grunted. “I know, it’s not just that, it’s that when we _are_ together, you’ve been _different_ lately.” He was panicking, he _knew_ he was being illogical, but he was trapped in the spiral.

“Patton, angel, I still want to be your boyfriend.”

Patton’s mother’s words echoed in his head. _“People can love you but not like you.”_

He shook his head. “But do you _like_ me?”

Roman jerked his head back in surprise. “Of course I do.”

“But do you like me less?” Patton blurted out, panic filling his being, causing his thoughts to veer off the road completely and plunge off a cliff. _“Remember to read the room honey, at least as best as **you** can. People will often say the kind, polite thing even if they don’t mean it because they’re obligated by social contracts. Don’t take advantage of that, or else you’ll become a manipulative person.”_

 _He’s gotten sick of me, he’s going to break up with me, I’m friends with his friends, I’m going to lose all my friends, will James beat me up? Will he and his friends beat me up? I don’t wanna get beaten up again!! I wanted that to be over!!_ Patton felt his heart shredding and the ground disappearing from under his feet.

Roman frowned. “I don’t understand-”

“How could you not understand the question?!” Patton cried, burying his face in his hands and sobbing.

“Woah, Patton!” Roman reached out for him, but Patton stepped back and ran to his dorm room. He burst in, climbed up to his bed, curled up, and kept bawling. He cried his broken heart out for an hour, missing his English class and crying over that too. He wept because he knew he acted badly, and now Roman had even _more_ reasons to break up with him.

Finally, Thomas came back, and Patton was able to slow down his crying.

“Patton?”

Patton just sniffled miserably. “I’m sorry,” he croaked.

“Buddy no, what happened?”

Patton pulled the covers over his face. “Roman’s gonna break up with me,” he whimpered.

“Oh fuck, dude, I’m so sorry.”

Patton just whimpered.

“Do you want me to get us some ice cream?”

Patton’s crying started up again. “That was our first date! I’m gonna miss him so much…”

“Who told you he was going to break up with you?”

Patton squeezed a portion of his blanket in his hands. “I’m getting too much for him.”

Thomas scratched his head. “Did he say that? That doesn’t sound like Roman.”

“No, but I _know_ I’m getting too much for him! I always get too much for people!!”

Thomas sighed and put a kettle on to boil for tea. “Is that something Roman said, or something your brain said when it was being mean to you?”

“...the second one…”

“Okay, so then-”

“But I yelled at him!!”

 _Shit._ “What did you say?”

Patton sniffled, chest hitching. “That I know he’s getting tired of me, and then I asked if he liked me less, and he said he didn’t understand, and I asked how couldn’t he understand the question, and ran away like a jerk.”

“Oh. That honestly just sounds like you were having a bad time. Roman’s pretty understanding.”

“But he shouldn’t be! He shouldn’t tolerate bad behavior from me!”

“You’re right, he shouldn’t tolerate it _if_ it’s something that’s over the line for him and _if_ you’re not working on it. Are you working on it?”

“Yeah! I don’t like being like this! I don’t like being bad for people!”

Thomas dropped a chamomile and lavender tea bag in a mug. “Patton, you’re not bad for people, you’re awesome. Whoever made you think otherwise was wrong. Apologise to Roman, talk it out, and I’m sure he’ll be okay with staying in a relationship with you.”

“But what if he likes me less because of this?”

“That’s not how relationships work. One incident that honestly sounds like a type of panic attack during a stressful time of year for everyone here on campus isn’t going to make someone like you less. Relationships and caring about one another isn’t a point-for-point game or anything. It’s more free-flowing than that. And a single incident of a panic attack isn’t going to push someone away who really cares about you, and I know Roman really cares about you.”

Patton tossed that idea around in his head. “But relationships are give and take…”

“They are, and a single incident isn’t enough to make a dent. You guys are close, you’ve been dating for months. You’ll be fine. Tea?”

Patton emerged from his pile of blankets and sat up, accepting the tea. “Thank you, Thomas.”

Thomas smiled and breathed out in relief. “Any time. Once you’ve calmed down, why don’t you text him?”

Patton nodded. “Probably a good idea.”

Thomas smiled, then turned his attention to his studying. Patton sipped his tea, the warm liquid soothing his emotions. Once he finished his tea, he set it on the shelf next to his headboard and picked up his phone.

_“I’m so sorry I freaked out!! I think I just got hit with a lot of stress and I felt bad because I thought you were going to leave me because I’m too much work. Can we talk after finals? I still wanna be your boyfriend if you’re down.”_

It didn’t take long to get a response.

_“I would love to, my sweet. Saturday at 1, on the benches by McIntosh?”_

_“Yes. Thank you so much for giving me another chance!”_

_“Think nothing of it. I care for you and simply wish to know how to best support you.”_

Patton set his phone down and curled up under the covers. He knew he wouldn’t be able to get any work done until he slept, so that’s precisely what he did.

/////

Patton had never been so nervous. He’d worn comfortable clothes to make sure he didn’t have another spiral, and he made sure he’d gotten good sleep, food, and was hydrated and caffeinated.

_I am **NOT** going to mess this up again._

Patton was texting with Thomas, who was sending him encouraging messages. That didn’t stop the fear of Roman breaking up with him right there on the benches. Patton saw a flash of white and red out of the corner of his eye. He looked up, and saw a very uncomfortable-looking Roman.

 _Make him more comfortable, it’s your fault you’re both in this situation._ Patton smiled timidly and patted the spot next to him. Roman sat down stiffly, and Patton smelled his spicy and smokey cologne.

Patton opened his mouth to explain why he freaked out on Roman the way he did, but then the sun caught his beautiful brown irises.

“I love you.”

Patton’s eyes widened and he turned as pale as a sheet of paper. Roman’s eyes were also wide. Both men stared at each other in shock.

“Roman-”

“I love you too!”

Patton crumpled with relief, the tension leaving his body. He let out a few hysterical laughs. “Oh thank god! I didn’t mean to say that, it just came out.”

“Ha, gay.”

Patton snorted loudly, which made Roman burst out into bright laughter. Patton took a few deep breaths to reign himself in and started rocking and clenching his toes.

“I was gonna say that I’m really sorry for freaking out on you earlier. That wasn’t fair to you and you deserve better. I’ve got my own stuff I’ve gotta sort through, I’ve got baggage, and I’m gonna do better at reigning it in and not letting myself get to that point, and,” he sucked in a breath. “I’m going back to therapy to help that.”

Roman smiled and gently kissed the back of Patton’s hand. “I’m glad to hear it. I dislike seeing you in so much pain.”

Patton melted. _Of course **that’s** what he’s worried about._ “And I don’t like upsetting you.”

Roman huffed, smiling wetly. “You are so selfless. I should have known that _that’s_ what you’d be worried about. And here I was worried you were going to be breaking up with me!”

Patton jerked back bodily. “ _WHAT?!_ Why would I ever break up with you?! You’re amazing!! I thought _you_ were gonna break up with _me_!”

Roman put a hand on his face and laughed. “You’re wonderful, Patton.”

“We make a pair, don’t we?”

Roman chuckled. “We certainly do.” He sighed and wiped a tear away. “We’ve been away from each other for so long, I’ve missed being with you. May I take you out on a date?”

Patton pressed up against Roman and leaned his head on his shoulder. Roman wrapped an arm around Patton. “I’d like that.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The fear of abandonment is real. I've gotten better at stopping those spirals and not acting on the irrational thoughts, but in the past I was... not as good at that. Especially when it was someone I really cared about. It all ties into low self-esteem and how people have treated me in the past. One thing that clues me in is I'll ask the same question in different ways, subconsciously hoping to get a different answer. If people get confused or frustrated with my questions, I know to stop, check in with myself, and see if I'm in a spiral.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Virgil does something very brave, and Patton hopes things turn out like he planned. Let's see what happens. :3

Patton adjusted his tie and vest in the mirror for what felt like the hundredth time. He had decided on a white and light blue 3-piece suit. He knew that he’d be mostly hanging out upstairs at the winter swing dance while Roman performed, but Roman had promised to dance with him during his break, and Patton wanted to make it the best it could possibly be!

He fussed with a few stray hairs as Thomas walked by.

“Relax, you look amazing. Roman’s gonna be a lucky guy.”

Patton blushed. “Yeah he is…” he said dreamily.

Thomas’ eyebrows nearly reached his hairline. “What are you planning? How _lucky_ is he gonna get? Do you need the room?” he teased.

Patton blushed fiercely. “No, gosh!! I’m just planningonkissinghim.”

It Thomas a moment, but when he got it he brought both fists up to his face. _“AWWWWWW!!!”_

Patton giggled, then straightened his tie again. _How does Logan do it?!_

Thomas shook his head at Patton. “You look amazing, he’s gonna love it. Go get ‘im tiger! Rawr!”

“Oh my gosh.”

Patton got on his suit and met up with Logan and Virgil since Roman would already be there. They chatted on the way to the dance, Virgil teasing Patton gently and slipping him his flask of Fireball. Patton gratefully took a few sips, glad that he could get something in him that would loosen him up.

Once they got there, Logan took Virgil out on the dance floor immediately, and Patton walked around until he could see Roman. He got there just as Roman put his fingers to ivory.

_“Jingle bell, jingle bell, jingle bell rock!_

_“Jingle bells swing and jingle bells ring…”_

Patton had his breath taken away. Roman’s voice over the loudspeakers made him feel like he was in a Hallmark movie, and Roman’s outfit only added to the moment. He was in a red and gold suit that had white accents. It was so Roman, and Patton knew he was a goner.

_I’m **totally** kissing him tonight!_

Patton watched him perform for a few minutes longer, every hair in place, and got himself a few snacks and a caffeinated soda. He retreated up to the upper level so he could conserve his spoons, and admired his boyfriend from afar. Roman went through numerous jazz songs and classic rock songs, and Patton found himself falling in love a little more each time. Patton refreshed his drinks, went to the bathroom, and stayed there for a few minutes, recharging.

“Hey.”

Patton looked in the mirror and saw Virgil watching him with concern.

_What if I’m too late with my kiss?_

Patton smiled nervously. “Hey yourself!”

“You good dude?”

Patton bit his lip and looked down. “I’ve never been in a relationship before, and I’ve been going _really_ slowly with Roman, what if I’m too late?”

“Oh shit, Roman’s your first relationship?”

Patton whipped his head up, eyes full of fear. Virgil raised his hands.

“No, that’s totally fine! I was just surprised. And I doubt Roman minds going at your pace, he wants you to feel comfortable.”

Patton shifted. “But I know how relationships usually go. By now we’d usually be… sleeping together, and I haven’t even kissed him on the lips yet!”

“One, you _know_ Roman doesn’t mind that, and two, sex isn’t everything. Relationships are about being with the other person, however that looks.”

“I _know that_ , but who have you known who’s been in a relationship for 9 months and _hasn’t_ had sex?”

“Me.”

Patton turned to look at Virgil. “Huh?”

Virgil looked down and shifted from foot to foot. “Logan and I haven’t… done that. I’m ace, and he’s cool with it, so…” Virgil shrugged, his eyes darting up to Patton’s before skittering away.

Patton smiled and bounced on the balls of his feet. “That’s so cool!! And I fully support you being asexual!” He relaxed against the sink, seeing Virgil relax as well. “That does make me feel better, thank you Virgil.”

Virgil sent him a sideways smile. “Anytime. Roman’s about to have his break, you wanna meet up him?”

“Do I?!”

Virgil did the quiet little snort that Patton had come to associate with him, and led him downstairs, around to the back of the stage, and up onto it. They got there just as Roman was buttoning up his suit jacket. Now that Patton was closer, he saw that Roman had white gloves on, which made Patton squeak. Roman turned and when he saw Patton, broke out into a dazzling smile.

_A Christmas Prince._

He walked up to Virgil and Patton, all swagger. “Thank you for escorting my date, Mr. Storm.” Patton’s stomach did flip-flops when Roman focused on him. “Patton Hart, may I have the honor of this dance?”

Patton grinned back, matching Roman. “You may, Roman Prince.”

Patton let himself be led out onto the dance floor as an easy swing started playing from the speakers. Mariah Carey’s chipper voice washed over them as Patton put a hand on Roman’s shoulder and Roman put a hand on Patton’s waist. Roman led Patton through easy steps.

“You’re sure showing me a good time, mister,” Patton said with a slight twang.

“I’m pleased to hear that, good sir.” Roman gently spun Patton. “I do find your acquaintance most agreeable. If I may be so bold, may I have the dance after this one as well?”

“I would _certainly_ be amenable to that,” Patton winked.

Roman smiled. “Marvelous,” he said lowly. Patton blushed and grinned, hiding his face in Roman’s chest for a moment.

_I can’t wait to kiss him!_

The next few songs carried on similarly, both men flirting and happy to be together in silence. Roman looked up at a clock and sighed.

“Unfortunately, I must get back to the stage. Tell me, where will you be watching?”

Patton scanned the upper balcony and pointed to the table he’d been using. “Up there!”

Roman looked up, then looked back down at Patton with a wolfish smile. “Good to know.”

Patton turned his head to the side and looked at him out of the corner of his eye. “And just what are you planning?”

Roman leaned their foreheads together. “You’ll see. Watch for me.” He pressed a kiss to Patton’s hand, keeping that same devilish eye contact, then went back up to the stage. Patton stared after him for a long moment, completely in love, before he went to grab some snacks and another caffeinated soda. He headed up to the table he’d pointed out to Roman, and got there just in time for Roman to start playing.

_“I don't want a lot for Christmas_

_“There is just one thing I need._

_“I don't care about the presents_

_“Underneath the Christmas tree.”_

Patton’s breath caught in his throat when Roman looked up at him and smiled goofily. _No way! Really?!_

_“I just want you for my own_

_“More than you could ever know._

_“Make my wish come true:_

_“All I want for Christmas,_

_“Is you!”_

Patton cheered and waved as Roman got into the song, and he heard Roman laugh a little on the next few lyrics. He danced and bopped up on the balcony, and would wave excitedly whenever Roman would look back up to where Patton was. Patton got a few weird looks from others up on the balcony, but he didn’t care one bit.

After another hour and a half, the program was winding down, and Roman got the speakers set up to play pre-recorded music. He bid everyone a safe and happy winter season, and stepped off the stage.

Patton raced down to meet him, and nearly ran into him.

“Hi!”

“Hello, my sweet!”

Patton hugged him tightly. “That was _magical_ , Roman. I felt like I was the star of a cheesy movie!”

Roman kissed the top of his head. “I’m so glad. You deserve every happiness.”

Patton squeezed him again. “How many more songs will play?”

“Three. This is a faster one, there will be a slower one for the couples, and then it’ll end on an upbeat song.”

_Oh perfect!!_

“Let’s dance!! Please?”

Roman got a sappy look on his face. “How could I say no?”

Patton giggled and pulled him onto the dance floor. He and Roman more jumped and spun around the dance floor in an imitation of dance, but both men were laughing. The song ended, and a slower song came on. Patton was panting, and put his hand on Roman’s shoulder. Roman took the hint, and pulled Patton close. Patton rested his cheek on Roman’s chest and breathed deeply, spice and smoke surrounding him. He could feel himself getting aroused, so he looked up at Roman during the bridge to try and clear his mind. Apparently, looking into the face of a handsome man inches away from each other didn’t help decrease arousal. Patton focused on the feel of Roman underneath his hands, and of Roman’s hands on him. They were staring into each other’s eyes, lost in time and space as their entire worlds became the person before them. The final chorus began playing, and Patton couldn’t care less about the lyrics.

He leaned up and pressed his lips to Roman’s, moving them like how he read online. Roman took a moment to react, but when he did Patton felt like he was flying. He felt like he was merging with Roman, impossibly connected, and Roman was pure golden electricity.

They pulled away to breath, but only an inch. Patton felt a gloved hand on his face, a thumb gently stroking his cheekbone, and minty breath puffing against his face. Patton opened his eyes and laughed silently, absolutely giddy. His look quickly turned to one of awe.

Roman was _radiant._

Patton could barely believe he was with such a perfect man. The song ended, and Patton wrapped his arms around Roman’s neck.

“Merry Christmas, Roman.”

Roman rested both hands on Patton’s waist and leaned their foreheads together. “Merry Christmas, Patton.”

Patton kissed him again, this time with less mystery but no less magnificence. They parted again, panting. Patton was entranced by the light shining behind Roman, making him glow. He wasn’t sure what to do next, so he used one of his hands to scratch at the back of Roman’s head. Roman rumbled, closed his eyes, and pressed his head into the touch.

_Huh. Good to know._

“Hey Roman, you left some of your music on the piano.”

Roman took the folder from Joan. “Thank you Joan, I probably would have left it behind!”

They broke out into a mischievous smile. “I figured, I had to wait a couple minutes before I told you.”

Patton blushed beet red and Roman laughed. “I appreciate it, my friend. I’ll see you Monday!”

“Cool!” Joan said as they finger-gunned out of the conversation.

Roman brushed the backs of his fingers against Patton’s face. “Shall we?”

Patton nodded quickly. “Virgil and Logan should be around here somewhere!”

They located Virgil and Logan, whose hair and clothes were mussed. Roman grinned knowingly at them and waggled his eyebrows. Roman and Patton got into the very back seat so they could cuddle.

“So, Patton,” Virgil began. “You had your first kiss at a Christmas dance with the star performer, huh?”

Patton looked up at Roman, and he knew they were both wearing dorky expressions. “Yeah. It was _perfect._ ”

“...goddammit that’s cute as shit. I can’t even make fun of that.”

Patton giggled into Roman’s shoulder, who kissed the top of his head again. They reached Patton’s dorm first. Patton unbuckled and looked back to Roman, unsure of how to end the night.

Roman took Patton’s hand and kissed it, eyes twinkling.

“Until we meet again.”

Patton flushed. “You mean at lunch tomorrow? Not the most fairytale-”

“Every moment with you is a fairytale.”

Patton was rendered speechless, suddenly emotional.

Roman smiled at him and swiped his thumb over the back of his fingers. “Goodnight, my sweet.”

“Night, Roro.”

With a final glance, Patton stepped back and let the van pull away. He watched until he couldn’t see their van anymore, then went into his dorm room.

_He’s perfect for me._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Our bois _deserved_ to have a magical winter evening! And Patton got to kiss Roman! And Roman got to kiss Patton! And Logan and Virgil made out! Good times all around!


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi folks! We do have a bit of intense steaminess and implied sexytimes near the middle of the chapter right before the line of forward slashes.
> 
> Patton has also made another plan, and another one!. What could they be?!

Over the next several months, their relationship became significantly more physical, typically initiated by Patton. Roman loved it, but was still careful to move at Patton’s pace and not make him feel in any way pressured. And no one would hear him complain when Patton would straddle him and start kissing him.

Patton’s return to therapy helped him significantly, especially once he started talking about what his parents had said to him. He encouraged Roman to attend a few therapy sessions as well; he didn’t miss how Roman didn’t quite believe some of the compliments paid to him, and a few of Patton’s infamous puppy-dog eyes later Roman was calling the campus counseling center.

Patton was feeling much more secure in himself and in his relationship with Roman. He _greatly_ enjoyed making out with Roman, and they’d had to stop more than once when one or both of them got too aroused for comfort.

With all this in mind, Patton knew he was ready to have sex with Roman.

Thomas was gone for an out-of-state swim meet for the weekend, and teased Patton by giving him a card with a condom in it. Patton shocked Thomas by blushing but accepting the condom. Once he got over his shock, he just clapped Patton on the shoulder and went to his shower.

Patton had stocked up on a dozen condoms, different sizes, with half flavored and half not. He hugged himself out of nerves, a bit of embarrassment, and excitement. They would be watching a movie, which for them meant they’d watch about 10 minutes of the movie before usually Patton would start distracting Roman.

Roman brought over _Transformers 3_ , which Patton raised an eyebrow at.

“If you wanna make out we can just do that.”

Roman choked and squawked. Patton watched him steadily.

Roman relented. “Was it the third sequel that did it?”

“It was _Transformers_ at all that did it.”

Roman looked sheepish as he set the DVD down on the small television, and was quickly pulled into a kiss. Roman smiled and sighed, happy and relieved to be in his lover’s arms once more.

Patton started pulling Roman to the bed and playfully pushed him on it, sitting next to him and kissing him deeply with a hand massaging Roman’s thigh. He’d lowered his bed to the ground level and packed up his futon specifically for this night.

Roman looked around, surprised, only just now noticing the bed. “Did you redecorate?”

Patton bit his lip, nerves spiking, wanting to kiss Roman more before he propositioned him. “A little. Can we keep making out please?”

Roman chuckled. “Well since you used the magic word.”

They met for another kiss, both men smiling. Roman was running his hand up and down Patton’s back, waiting for permission to go lower. Patton arched his back and raised himself up a little, so Roman grabbed onto a soft glute, causing both men to groan. Roman ran his hand down the back of a luxurious thigh, and back up. Patton was soaking in Roman’s shoulders, arms, chest, and abdomen; he was certain he’d never be able to get enough.

Patton straddled him, pulling away and having his hands rest on Roman’s shoulders. “I have an idea for tonight,” he admitted. His heart was pounding from a hundred different warring emotions.

Roman could _feel_ the anxiety coming off of Patton. He suspected what Patton had in mind, but also knew an organ besides his brain might be influencing him. “I’m all ears.”

Patton giggled, then closed his eyes and breathed in deeply. Roman rubbed his arm, trying to help soothe whatever fears might be going through his love’s mind.

_**God** I want to._ He made eye contact with Roman. “Do you want to have sex?”

Roman’s eyebrows shot up and he rested a hand against the side of Patton’s face. “Sweet love, are you certain?”

Patton smiled, still nervous but eager and aroused. “I am. I, um, got some condoms?”

Roman smiled and kissed Patton. “If you’re certain, I would be honored to make love to you. Is there anything you had in mind?”

Patton laughed nervously. “I’m not sure, I’ve never done this before. I was wondering what you’d... y’know, recommend?”

Roman lifted Patton and laid him down gently onto the bed, Patton groaning at the display of strength. “We’ll start out easy, nice and slow, okay?”

Arousal was making it difficult for Patton to think, blood boiling hot. He arched and whined. “Please!”

Roman gently kissed a few spots on Patton’s face before connecting their lips in a deeper, filthier kiss. “Absolutely. You said you had condoms?”

“Bowl on the desk,” Patton said quickly.

Roman huffed at his impatience and grabbed the bowl. His eyebrows raised at the number of condoms that were there.

Patton shifted. “I figured we could always get more tomorrow if we run out tonight?”

Roman chuckled. “I am _incredibly_ flattered you think so highly of my abilities. I think this will be more than enough for tonight, my sweet. I’m only a man.” He brushed a hand through Patton’s hair, knowing this was an entirely new experience for his lover.

Patton grinned mischievously and pulled Roman towards him. “Then show me.”

/////

Patton, Roman, Logan, and Virgil were sitting on folding chairs, listening to yet another speaker drone on about how amazing the alumni group was and why everyone should give them money. Patton had brought a flask for this exact reason, and all four of them were immensely grateful. Roman and Patton had moved into a small apartment for their last year of college, and Patton was willing to bet his bottom dollar that the past 3 years were the best 3 years of his life.

Patton was pacing himself, having planned something in conjunction with the announcer and dean. He and Roman were going to be called one after the other, and they’d hold Roman on stage for a moment after he’d gotten his degree.

Patton smiled, heart soaring and happy stimming. He rubbed his thigh, checking for what he figured was the thousandth time that speech.

The small, velvet box was secure and ready in his pocket.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> He said yes. <3 :"D

**Author's Note:**

> James is a dick and is based off of one of my biggest bullies in high school who is now wildly successful and making thousands as an anti-bullying and tolerance advocate. Roman is a very good bro, Patton just has had enough experiences where he can't trust that someone has good intentions. We'll be seeing that a bit later in the story.


End file.
